The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
