Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
