Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
