I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
