Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
