Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
