I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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