I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
