my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
