Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
