i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
