Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
