pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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