and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
