did you get engaged???
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
