I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
