i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
