The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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