I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
