You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
