HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
