I love black thongs
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
