You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Bring me that man meat
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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