So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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