my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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