Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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