I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
