First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
