she was so not down for the gang bang
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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