Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
