All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
