do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
