I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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