I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
