What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
