I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
