Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
