If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
