just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
