My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
