dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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