well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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