i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
