my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
