remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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