So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
