Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
