i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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