i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
