The maid of honor just puked.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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