Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
